It’s a wonderful feeling when you actually begin to feel inspired isn’t it? The words pour out and your fingers never stop typing. That is until you hit that magical ‘What the fuck’ moment. What the hell am I writing?
I have about three different journals, all used for different purposes.
- I have the “Everyday Journal”. I document the feelings of happiness and sadness. Nothing inspirational, Just the ‘I hate the world’ kind of crap.
- Then, I have the “Memories Journal”, and yes I know what you’re thinking. It does differ from the first one because these are long lost memories and that sometimes it’s nice to be reminded of. This journal has no specific dates, just feelings and the memories and impressions it left behind.
- Lastly, I have my “Inspiration Journal”. This guy is the most messed up one of all. It adds both the “Everyday” and “Memories” journals together. But, it twists those events into some other version of the truth.
Every piece of writing is important, and I know from my works. The best part is combining all three of those journals into my pieces. You grab the feelings of today, take the situation of three years ago and create a whole new ending.
But why is it so hard to create something so appealing? Time and time again, I find myself inspired in the wee hours of night writing monologues. Only to find the next day my crazy idea was horrendously written.
In university I had to write monologues every week for my playwriting class. I spent countless amount of hours trying to please my professor, and she was never pleased with anything I wrote. She wanted more every time. Specifically one time, I was asked to write a piece on a relationship, whether it was a romantic relationship or a family one, it needed to feel real. I wrote the monologue in ten minutes, and I thought it was the worst piece I’d ever written. It was jumbles of words thrown together, raw emotion. My professor loved it, and for the longest time I couldn’t comprehend why.
I understand now that it was my writing, it wasn’t edited five times over. I didn’t delete any words. I just wrote, and felt every emotion. I created this gorgeous piece just from allowing myself to give in to it. Yes, it might have been shit. But she saw the wheels turning in my head somehow. She knew I was headed in the right direction, she saw something I didn’t see at the time. Potential.
That all being said, I often delete word after word until I think it fits correctly. But, drafting has been the biggest process of it all. Your first write, certainly won’t be your last. It’s a draft for your next bigger and better idea. I have a whole damn journal full of my drafts.
Just remember, it’s always a little bit of yesterdays emotion, last year’s memory and also your own creative spin. These three steps have inspired me through out the last couple months, and yes it’s a rough process. But everyday is a new inspiration and perhaps someday they’ll be blended together into something better and stronger.
-M.M
20 Something Struggles 