Tag Archive | Helping Others

Upswing to a Downswing

IMG_20150702_001321I’ve been off soul searching and discovering for the past little while– and let me tell you it’s been a difficult process. About four years ago, I was clinically diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. It’s not something I often share with people, but every once in a while I find someone who I can connect with you, and share a few options for people.

The 23rd year of my life has been quite the rollercoaster– with getting a concussion, being in two car accidents and to being let go from an employer, it has been a ride. With my 24th birthday around the corner, I’m getting excited to make this year come to an end. But I think this year has taught myself and the people around me many things.

Patience, it is the most important thing. I’ve tried just about everything to not get back into the darkest space in my mind. I’ve tried medications, I’ve tried those medications but on higher dosages– both of which were a no go. I’ve tried going to two different therapists, (which has been proven to be successful in my past) but they did not fall through this time. I have tried new job after job, only to my find my anxiety controls my feet everyday. It’s been the longest process, and I’m not ashamed of where I am today. After my second therapist really left a number on me, I woke up and said today I’m going to do it MY way. I followed my routine, guarded myself around others, slept the right amount, ate the right amount. I am kicking this feeling to the curb. I don’t know how, but I am.

People around you will struggle with this daily as well, you’re not in this battle alone. My friendships and relationships are a constant fight for the greater. I do not mean physically fighting, I mean the internal fight for the best thing. I will continue to do so, daily. You will see it more often than not the “Upswings” and the “Downswings”. The “Upswing” is that high feeling you get from life. You find the joy in each day, love fully and have the clearest vision. The “Downswing” is lull you get, when you’re trying to catch up to everything and it’s all blowing past you, leaving you far behind. I believe my 23rd year was the a downswing, and 24 is fast approaching and I can feel my gears starting to pick it up a notch.

Struggling with severe depression and anxiety is an everyday battle. I often wish I got credit for getting out of bed, or that someone could validate my feelings for me. But unfortunately, I don’t have that. I want everyone who struggles with the common things in life, to know it’s such a great accomplishment to be able to do the smallest things. Hell, I can drive my car alone again! and I’m not scared to do it. I am getting there, bring me my upswing. I’m ready for it.

I use a nifty little site called “Big White Wall”, it’s an open forum for people just like me. We can speak freely about what we feel, and honestly it’s been great. The support I don’t have here with me daily– I get it from there.

There is always an “Upswing” after a “Downswing”, I can’t tell you how long you’ll be waiting, but it will happen. I’ve been waiting for about a year for this moment, and it’s here.

-M.M

 

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Depression, The Big Enemy.

PhotoGrid_1495345129612.jpgOh depression. Where to begin, where to end. Well, it all starts different for everyone. And everyone deals with it in a different way as well. I wish I could say I’ve overcome this deep depression, but everyday is a continuous battle.

I went for years with no help, no guidance and it lead me know where. It wasn’t until, I was pushed just the tiniest step where I could finally see the path ahead of me. I’ve tried medication, although I was hesitant at first the first time around it was beneficial. I’ve also tried therapy, and honestly that was the best decision I ever made. Having someone impartial to the situation, allowed me to open up much more freely and comfortably. There are so many things that need to be there for you in order for your recovery to any sort of happiness though. And most of all, it takes time. Lots and lots of time.

  1. You are note alone: I know it’s annoying to keep reading these things. And I get it, you feel alone. Hell I feel alone 98% of the time, and I am surrounded by my loved ones constantly. I get it, it doesn’t make a difference. But look at the big picture, you have friends or a significant other. Maybe they don’t see where you’re heads at most of the time, but tell them. Telling someone or anyone is a step in the right direction. And when you do, you WILL be on their minds. Trust me, they won’t ignore you.
  2. You have to find motivation: I was explaining to my boyfriend my lack of motivation, for me I have a hard time pushing myself to do physical activities that I love. I know I feel guilt when I have plans with someone and I know I will let them down if I can’t make it. So when I’m out, and I’m being social. I remind myself that I MADE IT out.¬† Something motivated me to get there, so that tiny little piece can push me that much further in the right direction.
  3. Be Social: Don’t be a hermit, it’s not okay. Shower, get yourself together and go be social. I haven’t had many issues with this because I am a social girl to begin with. But, I do have a lot more anxiety towards being social now.¬†Maybe it’s hard for you to go and socialize with your friends in a public setting. When I feel down, I call my mom. I’m extremely fortunate to have a wonderful relationship with her. But, whenever I’m feeling anxious I give her a call. I tell her that I’m upset, but I don’t want to talk about that. I always say I want to hear something happy, give me a story. And she does exactly that, and for a minute it’s like it feels right. No one trying to pester me to figure out how to fix me. Just, genuine conversation. Some days that minor social interaction is all I need.

Depression never gets easier, but it isn’t who you are. I can only say a few things here and there in this topic, because everyone is different. But once you see a bit of path ahead of you, follow it.

Sometimes we can’t see tomorrow, or a year from now. But look how far you’ve come, maybe it hasn’t all been great, sure. But who is to say that the next great thing isn’t down the road? It could be tomorrow. Optimism is important, and although we don’t see it as much as we should. It’s always still there. There’s always a tomorrow.

-M.M